At this point, I started having doubts and worrying about my ability to pass the MCAT and get into medical school. I began looking into alternative/back-up options-- should I apply to Caribbean medical schools which seem to have lower admission standards? Osteopathic medical schools to earn a D.O instead of M.D degree? PA school to become a physician assistant? Get an MPH degree and work in public health? Utilize my Bachelor's degree and become a biology teacher in high school? At the back of my mind, I wondered if my MCAT struggles were a sign that perhaps medical school wasn't meant to be? I finally settled on PA school as my Plan B if I don't get into medical school because Physician Assistants perform the same duties as physicians but under physician supervision. I found that many schools have combined PA/MPH programs which appealed to me since I also had interest in Public Health. To apply to the PA or PA/MPH program, I would have to take the GRE... My parents were visiting me later that summer of 2005-- I had them buy and bring me two GRE prep books. I studied for the GRE during the remainder of my time abroad while also completing my research. Upon returning home to the U.S in December, I took the GRE on December 31, 2005 and got my result immediately-- had a decent score of 1100 (500 verbal, 600 quantitative). It was time to start working on the PA school application and write my personal statement, but somehow it just didn't feel right and my mind wasn't at ease...
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
More MCAT struggles
I graduated from college with highest honors (Summa cum Laude) in May 2004 with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. I was supposed to leave for my Research Fellowship abroad in August 2004 but postponed my departure to January 2005 so that I could participate in another 6-weeks pre-med program with an MCAT preparation component that summer after graduation (June-July)... my plan was to take the August 2004 MCAT before going abroad. Well, I completed the summer program but chickened out at the last minute and didn't take the MCAT anymore because I didn't feel well-prepared and ready... I had some relationship problems that summer which distracted me from my studies (more on this in a future post... I ended up breaking up with my college/first U.S boyfriend of 2.5 years in September 2004). I was able to get a temporary part-time 3 months research job from September - December 2004 which helped to hone my research skills and prepare me for my upcoming field research abroad...
On January 10, 2005, I departed for my host country to complete the one year Research Fellowship. I spent the first month getting acquainted to my new environment, finding my way around and soaking in the culture. I was affiliated with the local university there and they provided me with a very nice accommodation typically reserved for visiting faculty. I had everything I needed nearby-- a grocery store just down the road; a market, fast-food joints including KFC, McDonalds, Papa Johns Pizza & Pizza Hut, restaurants and stores within walking distance or a short cab-ride away. By mid-February, I started working on my research instruments-- designing a survey, setting-up data management/analysis tool, and writing an article on my research topic to give to the research participants. Next agenda was to figure out sites where I'll adminster the survey, incentives and ways to get people interested.
Even with all this going on, I still had the MCAT/my medical school aspiration on my mind. I was unhappy about not going straight from college to medical school and having to sit out two years (because I got low scores on both MCAT attempts in April & August 2003, didn't take MCAT in 2004 and doing the Research Fellowship in 2005). It suddenly dawned on me that if I don't take the exam in 2005 and apply that year for 2006 med school admission, I would be looking at 2007 admission which would mean starting medical school three years after graduating from college... not exactly how I wanted things to go. I hastily decided to try studying for the MCAT again, fly back to the U.S in April to take the April 2005 MCAT (third attempt). In hindsight, that was not a good idea since I had so much going on with my research. But at the time, I didn't let that deter me, I was determined not to sit out a third year. I flew back to the U.S in April 2005 and took the exam. Result was released in June... my score increased by just ONE point from the last/second attempt!!! Yet another major disappointment! I don't know if I was in denial or just plain desperate but I went ahead and applied to about 20 medical schools that summer of 2005 for 2006 admission despite my ridiculously low score (< 20)-- as you would expect, I got rejected by every single school :(
Even with all this going on, I still had the MCAT/my medical school aspiration on my mind. I was unhappy about not going straight from college to medical school and having to sit out two years (because I got low scores on both MCAT attempts in April & August 2003, didn't take MCAT in 2004 and doing the Research Fellowship in 2005). It suddenly dawned on me that if I don't take the exam in 2005 and apply that year for 2006 med school admission, I would be looking at 2007 admission which would mean starting medical school three years after graduating from college... not exactly how I wanted things to go. I hastily decided to try studying for the MCAT again, fly back to the U.S in April to take the April 2005 MCAT (third attempt). In hindsight, that was not a good idea since I had so much going on with my research. But at the time, I didn't let that deter me, I was determined not to sit out a third year. I flew back to the U.S in April 2005 and took the exam. Result was released in June... my score increased by just ONE point from the last/second attempt!!! Yet another major disappointment! I don't know if I was in denial or just plain desperate but I went ahead and applied to about 20 medical schools that summer of 2005 for 2006 admission despite my ridiculously low score (< 20)-- as you would expect, I got rejected by every single school :(
Sunday, January 3, 2010
MCAT Struggles
Back in the day, the MCAT was only administered twice a year in April and August. The MCAT is divided into three sections: Verbal Reasoning, Biological Sciences and Physical Sciences (there's also essay writing which doesn't really count). Each section is scored numerically on a scale of 0-15, 15 being the highest score on each section, for a maximum total MCAT score of 45. I took the MCAT for the first time in the second semester of my junior year on April 26, 2003. To save myself from embarrassment (even though this is an anonymous blog), let's just say my first total MCAT score was less than the highest possible score on each section (yes, that means < 15)!!! I was crushed :( However, I took the exam with no real preparation thinking I would do fine since I was a biology major... I know that sounds pretty stupid of me but realize that my college didn't have a good pre-med program and advisor. There was also rumor going around that it's good to take the exam even if you're not ready "just to see what it's like" so you can be better prepared the next time... probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard!
After recovering from the shock of doing so poorly on my first MCAT attempt, I figured I could use some help. I applied to an 8-weeks summer pre-med program that had an MCAT preparation component. The program went from late May - July and then students would take the August MCAT. I completed the program that summer of 2003 after junior year and took the MCAT a second time on August 16, 2003. I was disappointed yet again when the result was released about two months later... my score increased by just four freaking points!!! Still nowhere near the minimum/average MCAT score of 24-30 needed to get into medical school. I was sad and devastated that I didn't get a good MCAT score in both April & August 2003 attempts because that meant I couldn't apply to medical school in 2003 for 2004 admission and go straight from college to medical school (you apply for admission to medical school a year ahead). I would have to sit out at least a year after graduation, so I started looking for research jobs for after graduation. In the process, I learned about a prestigious study abroad/research fellowship program. I applied to the program in late 2003 and learned by early 2004 that I had been awarded a scholarship to do research abroad. I was elated-- during college, I only did your typical pre-med stuff for med school during the school year (volunteering, shadowing physicians to gain clinical exposure in hospital/clinic, tutoring) and spent my summers working or participating in some pre-med program at medical schools. I never had the opportunity to study abroad, so getting this fellowship to live, study or do research abroad for a year was a huge deal for me. I thought this is going to be an awesome experience and will look great on my resume for medical school admission!!!
After recovering from the shock of doing so poorly on my first MCAT attempt, I figured I could use some help. I applied to an 8-weeks summer pre-med program that had an MCAT preparation component. The program went from late May - July and then students would take the August MCAT. I completed the program that summer of 2003 after junior year and took the MCAT a second time on August 16, 2003. I was disappointed yet again when the result was released about two months later... my score increased by just four freaking points!!! Still nowhere near the minimum/average MCAT score of 24-30 needed to get into medical school. I was sad and devastated that I didn't get a good MCAT score in both April & August 2003 attempts because that meant I couldn't apply to medical school in 2003 for 2004 admission and go straight from college to medical school (you apply for admission to medical school a year ahead). I would have to sit out at least a year after graduation, so I started looking for research jobs for after graduation. In the process, I learned about a prestigious study abroad/research fellowship program. I applied to the program in late 2003 and learned by early 2004 that I had been awarded a scholarship to do research abroad. I was elated-- during college, I only did your typical pre-med stuff for med school during the school year (volunteering, shadowing physicians to gain clinical exposure in hospital/clinic, tutoring) and spent my summers working or participating in some pre-med program at medical schools. I never had the opportunity to study abroad, so getting this fellowship to live, study or do research abroad for a year was a huge deal for me. I thought this is going to be an awesome experience and will look great on my resume for medical school admission!!!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Humble Beginnings
Like many medical students, I knew I wanted to be a doctor from a very young age. I grew up in a developing country-- my family and I experienced many difficulties, from lack of basic amenities such as constant clean water supply & electricity, to financial hardships as my parents were civil workers who often went months without getting paid due to our corrupt government and poor economy (my dad who was a lecturer at the local university was especially affected by frequent strikes stemming from staff demanding more pay and benefits). They struggled to make ends meet but managed to persist through it all. After sending my three older siblings to college at the same time, they could only afford to send me to a public secondary school in a rural area. It was there that at the tender age of 11, I lost my best friend to typhoid fever, sank into depression, and emerged with a lot of questions... Why wasn't there a doctor at the student clinic when she fell ill? Why is the nearest hospital where she was rushed to an hour away from the school? Why didn't they have adequate medical resources to accurately diagnose and treat my best friend so that she didn't die?
Basically, losing my best friend gave rise to deep reflections within me on the devastating effects of a poor health care system. I realized then that I wanted to become a physician, and my passion grew over the next few years. I took the science track in high school, and as there weren't opportunities for formal clinical exposure, I spent more time visiting my mom at the public hospital where she worked as a nurse... the humid, open-air triage rooms packed with sweating bodies waiting long hours in despair for sub-standard care struck me as inadequate. I couldn't help but think that many more would die like my best friend did if there wasn't some improvement in health care access. Later, in fact, both my aunt (dad's sister) and her son died from asthma attacks that could have been treated with a simple bronchodilator and oxygen tank.
-- Now, this is what I call the refreshingly idealistic life stage... I wanted to "help people" and make a difference in the lives of others. I saw myself becoming a primary care physician, working in a medically underserved area providing health care to the poor, uninsured and indigent populations. I never really thought about the long journey and challenges involved in becoming a physician, nor considered other career paths that may have been just as rewarding, and more importantly less stressful, time-intensive and lifestyle-friendly. My parents were encouraging and supportive-- I was a good student in school, doing well and getting A's in my science classes, was very passionate about health care, so to them it only made sense that I pursue a career in medicine. They wanted me to be successful, financially stable/independent and not endure the hardships/struggles they did.. so it didn't hurt that a career in medicine also has the added bonus of ensuring job security, a good income and comfortable lifestyle.
-- Now, this is what I call the refreshingly idealistic life stage... I wanted to "help people" and make a difference in the lives of others. I saw myself becoming a primary care physician, working in a medically underserved area providing health care to the poor, uninsured and indigent populations. I never really thought about the long journey and challenges involved in becoming a physician, nor considered other career paths that may have been just as rewarding, and more importantly less stressful, time-intensive and lifestyle-friendly. My parents were encouraging and supportive-- I was a good student in school, doing well and getting A's in my science classes, was very passionate about health care, so to them it only made sense that I pursue a career in medicine. They wanted me to be successful, financially stable/independent and not endure the hardships/struggles they did.. so it didn't hurt that a career in medicine also has the added bonus of ensuring job security, a good income and comfortable lifestyle.
After completing high school, I immigrated to the U.S in 2000 at age 17 and started college two weeks later. Adjusting to American education, society and culture was challenging, but I managed to adapt and stayed focused on my goal of becoming a physician. I majored in Biology which allowed me to take the prerequisite courses for medical school (Biology, General & Organic Chemistry, Physics) as part of my degree requirements. I was your typical driven, type A personality, high-achieving pre-med student-- studied hard, got mostly A's especially on the science courses and a few B's. I was feeling good and everything was going well until that fateful day in my junior year when I received the result of my first attempt of the MCAT (medical college admission test)...
Friday, January 1, 2010
Introduction
Hi there, Welcome to my first blog! I'm a 28 year old female, currently a third year medical student at one of the U.S medical schools (will remain nameless for now). I've experienced my fair share of challenges, struggles, failures and hardships on my journey towards a career in medicine, have persevered, but recently decided that a clinical medical career is not right for me. My goal is to at least finish medical school, obtain my M.D. degree, and then chart my own path to success.
I decided to start blogging about my experiences because I realized that there are many medical students who have endured similar struggles and may be facing the same difficult decision as to whether or not to continue pursuing medicine as a career. Since the idea of quitting medicine is such a 'taboo' subject, many students are reluctant to seek help/support and discuss their problems/concerns with peers or medical school faculty/administration for fear of being judged negatively, looked down upon or considered 'weak'. In some cases where students are also dealing with depression/anxiety, there is a legitimate fear that disclosing this information could lead to bias, stigmatization, compromise their academic performance (e.g. third year clerkship evaluations) and future career (ability to get good letters of recommendation, dean's letter, and match to desired residency program). I want these students to know that they are not alone and should not continue to suffer in silence.
I'm hoping my blog will provide a healthy, safe and anonymous outlet for us to support each other, vent, and hopefully find effective solutions to our problems. Follow me as I tackle the numerous hurdles in my way, taking it one day, one clerkship, shelf & board exam at a time, hoping to make it to the finish line-- graduate from medical school on May 18, 2012! Thereafter, I'll pursue an alternative non-clinical career that I'm passionate about, that will be enjoyable, satisfying & rewarding, and afford me work-life balance/a healthy lifestyle. I also hope to have more time to focus on my personal life which is currently non-existent but very important to me-- find true love/my soul mate, get married, start a family and live happily ever after :)
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